I hate the sound of my own voice

I don’t talk a whole lot Most of the time I have taken up the idea of It is deeply ingrained. Though I do wonder if I hate it because when I think I stutter and then while I think that. My brain replays what I said in my head. Now that creates a feedback loop. I hear it twice. Then my annoyingly self conscious mind begins to wonder what those around me are thinking. It makes me seize up more. Boom I’m stuck. In reality I’m sure no one cares. The real issue is that I hear my voice so rarely that when I do hear what I really sound like, I can almost feel how the vocal cords are bending to make my own unique frequency of voice.

In order to truly control something you have train it. So that is what I did.. A few times at least. I read the first page of Harry Potter a couple times, My tongue got stiff in a few of the takes I also noticed that it is quite impossible for me to recite word for word. It is like my brain wants to just skip those words and give it a more human sound to it almost as if the way we write is not equal to that of human speech. It has to be perfect. But the real question is …..

Is it?

I just read the first paragraph outed close to a nightmare of everything sizing up boom here we go round two here we go .

Bad advice you don’t need

Let’s say that you have someone that you like. That person talks to you all the time. And they smile at you and let’s say your mind is getting the vibes. You know those ones. The winky moment kind of saying hey maybe I like you. Well, perhaps you think I gotta tell everyone, well, see I think the better bet would be to act on your thoughts, you think they like you? So get to know them to discover if you enjoy them too! Then ask them out! Otherwise, you could accidentally get stuck with the insecurities of previous generations, so the most essential part is to do you and not let others instill fear.

Weird days

Everyone has them it’s this thing where things feel fine right about up to the point where you realize.. holy crap I didn’t do much today but there is tomorrow and there is time to have a good day as well.

Set the hope for new things.

I think a big thing that everyone worries about is wether or not what they are doing is right, it is a constant confusion. That has been me for a good amount of time now I look at my past and I think hey, maybe I could have done things better. I mean maybe that’s the curse of hindsight. Like, hey I could have done this better or this or that or whatever it is that you may be worried about. Because you now possess a god like view perhaps now knowing hoe others felt or what it is they knew in the time. I am not going to pretend that I am good at that, in fact my mind is prone to obsessively look at the past.

“No, I totally did this wrong, god I can feel it,” Those deep breaths of worry, even as I type this, my fingers reuse up as if they want to claw at the the past and do things right in my minds eye or something. But I guess the important thing is to constantly move forward. Keep moving forward as Disney famously coined. Deep breath -inhale- Okay we’re good I think -exhale-

Bad advice you don’t need

Lets say that you have someone that you like. They talk to you all the time. And they smile at you and lets say your mind is getting the vibes. You know those ones. The winky moment kind of saying hey maybe I like you. Well maybe you think I gotta tell everyone, well, see I think the better bet would be to act on your thoughts, you think they like you? So get to know them see if you like them too! Then ask them out! Otherwise you could accidentally get stuck with the insecurities of previous generations, so the most important part is to do you and not let others instill fear.

Showers give your mind power

So I was in the shower. You know something that happens every day. I was thinking, it was much like rain, where the storm pushes all the toxins in the down, and everything feels pure. So that’s an important thing to think about don’t, don’t forget to take time for your thoughts.

Becoming Stronger

Yesterday I made a promise to myself.  There is always that feeling of doubt about what is going to happen.  I’m sure you’ve felt this way.  Imagine it, you want something, and it’s not going to easy.  If you want it, you’ll push through the tough time and into the brighter horizon.

This was how it felt when I started exercising, my body didn’t want to do any of the exercisings, and I felt like I needed to fight tooth and nail to get the correct movements down.  It was most uncomfortable for me as my body does try to do things as quickly as possible with less effort.  I wish I could go up and tell you, “Yeah actually this is entirely intentional, and I could do it right any time, but that would be me lying to you, and honestly I don’t see the point of that.  The cerebral palsy manifests itself in weird ways and this is just one of them, but you know what they say… Every day it gets a little easier, but you have to do it every day.

 

When a time that you wanted to push yourself to be stronger?  Was it hard to get the momentum going?  Do you have any advice for other in the comments?  Don’t forget to follow and share this with your friends if you think it may benefit them!

The Summer to better yourself!

I honestly went through a bit of a rough patch recently.  The Spring Semester had just ended, and I again had that flux of feelings.  You know, the kind where you go, “What the Fudge am I doing?  I wasn’t in the best feelings. Like it was a big smack in the face. I was thinking to myself that I needed to fix my issues…

Now hold on, I know what you’re thinking wait you can’t just fix your disability overnight! True but I want to improve and make it easier to walk and become more physically active. And I want to find out of if you desire to follow this journey with me.  Take my hand, And together we’ll grow to be physically active!

The art of perspective

So  I was thinking about life last night, I was writing my stories in the middle of the night, and shortly after a few minutes I got moderately sidetracked and found myself drifting back to Facebook.  I saw some people acting sad and others who were happy, and at the moment I was not feeling the most comfortable…

I mean heck I have cerebral palsy, and that can get me down on some days, so as I was looking at my friends doing all kinds of fantastic physical activities, (though technically from my perspective the ability to jump is the coolest thing ever), and I was sad. But then out of nowhere, a memory came flooding back to me.

I was with a big group of people, probably 150 or so, and we were doing a sort of, look at all of us together, for the after-school program.  At a certain  point, everyone was asked to jump up in the air with our hands up.  That was something I couldn’t do so I did the next best thing I could think to do at the time… I smiled and tried to look my best.

After I first saw the picture, I was embarrassed as everyone else was seemingly floating, and for some time I was self-conscious. But eventually, I started to see how it was all funny in a way because I saw it now was like this, I was the one grounded so that the rest would not fly away into the sun! I even later went on to others about this, and it made them laugh too, I mean nobody is perfect, so sometimes it is best to dance with your flaws and make something fresh out of it!

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