I hate the sound of my own voice

I don’t talk a whole lot Most of the time I have taken up the idea of It is deeply ingrained. Though I do wonder if I hate it because when I think I stutter and then while I think that. My brain replays what I said in my head. Now that creates a feedback loop. I hear it twice. Then my annoyingly self conscious mind begins to wonder what those around me are thinking. It makes me seize up more. Boom I’m stuck. In reality I’m sure no one cares. The real issue is that I hear my voice so rarely that when I do hear what I really sound like, I can almost feel how the vocal cords are bending to make my own unique frequency of voice.

In order to truly control something you have train it. So that is what I did.. A few times at least. I read the first page of Harry Potter a couple times, My tongue got stiff in a few of the takes I also noticed that it is quite impossible for me to recite word for word. It is like my brain wants to just skip those words and give it a more human sound to it almost as if the way we write is not equal to that of human speech. It has to be perfect. But the real question is …..

Is it?

I just read the first paragraph outed close to a nightmare of everything sizing up boom here we go round two here we go .

Two halves to one person

Part of us is constantly nervous. Another part is superbly confident and has so much it wants to do. If you think about it we all have two parts. What we want to do and what we believe to be logical. Sure you know what you’ve got to do while also sitting thinking no I don’t really need that. It would be nice but I don’t need it. That, my friend is where you are wrong. You do need to do this, if it is what will make you happy then it is not a maybe it is a must for your sake. Don’t put your dreams on hold out of fear talk to that person do that thing you’ve always wanted to dO.

But it’s hard, because those two parts of you are at war do and don’t they say, two opposite messages to yourself, you have to push through to the one that you want to hear, follow your dreams and know if you push hard enough it will work.

Blind date with a book….

So I’m sitting there, looking at these books wrapped in white. There are small words on the front. Hand crafted of course, these small imperfections that add to the beauty of the project. I looked at them, my mind racing with the possibility. That happens a lot, I love when my mind races. The feeling of possibility is absolutely beautiful. It was a gamble sure. Money to be placed on something And you don’t know what, but with some amount of trust I went through and bought a book taking a serious chance and having the scared part of my brain say “no put it back! You could hate it! But also I could love it so I stopped worrying (I mean I tried to I just tuned it out!) then I went ahead read the white paper one last time and tore it open! Taking a leap and hoping with excitement.

Music, the tone of your mind

As you listen to a song watch how it follows your mood and becoming how you feel. As you try to find the song for your thoughts you realize music controls your mood in some ways happy songs get you happy sad ones make you sad and sometimes it works the opposite way. Songs keep The mind active in a way, keep the blood flowing and before you know it the music in your mind is narrating your own personal movie.

Still trying

Well another day passes, I’ve made some progress I’d like to say well I have, I mean in technicality. We write and we write listening to those around us who don’t believe in the medium so we keep going despite that it its hard on some of the days where you wonder if it’s what you are supposed to do. Of course you know it’s what you gotta do but there is that feeling. That maybe they are right well you gotta do your own thing thats it just do it.

Is thinking about things bad?

You’ve probably had those things that you watch or play and they are so profoundly deep that you think and you think on it. It goes deep. There are so many different to interpret it you could probably take a course on it and still have more to learn afterwards. So what do you do in those situations? Well for starters I think it’s great to watch films that make you think or see part but I also think it is great to watch lighter things to give your mind a break. But when you do think about it I do think it would be best to think about it for a few days and then move on to the next things.\

So not in moderation.

Happiness is important

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Don’t over analyze things, if you do things can get confusing . I mean every day is a gift and if you are too focused on yesterdays gift then hoe could you appreciate what you are presently given! Cape Diem.

A Quick thought of one of the strangest movies ever.

So I don’t know if you’ve heard of the movie Synedoche New York but I think it is about a guy that wants to create a massive play that encapsulates life. He spends his whole life working on it but it never seems to go anywhere and then he dies. “Devin!” I hear you say, “that sounds incredibly morbid and and sad!”

To which I say yes it does. The movie is weird,

But….

Even sad things can serve to motivate us properly.

  1. Don’t make things overly massive to the4 point of impossibly in your writing focus on a few characters and don’t dwell too much one every little detail; or things will never get done. I do not that some people do focus on a bunch of characters. As much as every little detail would be tempting don’t! Keep pace and finish it.
  2. Don’t dwell too much on the past. Learn from it definitely but don’t let it tether you, There are no strings on me or you!
  3. Look at things in a good light that will help there are always good thing Otherwise you might a sabotage good thing.

There we go three cool lessons!

Now listen to “Here comes the sun” by The Beatles

Silence Alone Quiet

I remember I was in my English class… The room was cold and stuffy-

Wait

(Ahem)

Once upon a time…. I was in my class cold and stuffy We were talking about silence when you don’t have music blaring or audio beating against your eardrums . That when I realized something we have our minds constantly bombarded by other thoughts or emotion which I believe actually makes writing something new much harder because music has a pre-existing emotions.

So I think an important thing to do is work in the quiet let your true self out and see what happens.

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