I hate the sound of my own voice

I don’t talk a whole lot Most of the time I have taken up the idea of It is deeply ingrained. Though I do wonder if I hate it because when I think I stutter and then while I think that. My brain replays what I said in my head. Now that creates a feedback loop. I hear it twice. Then my annoyingly self conscious mind begins to wonder what those around me are thinking. It makes me seize up more. Boom I’m stuck. In reality I’m sure no one cares. The real issue is that I hear my voice so rarely that when I do hear what I really sound like, I can almost feel how the vocal cords are bending to make my own unique frequency of voice.

In order to truly control something you have train it. So that is what I did.. A few times at least. I read the first page of Harry Potter a couple times, My tongue got stiff in a few of the takes I also noticed that it is quite impossible for me to recite word for word. It is like my brain wants to just skip those words and give it a more human sound to it almost as if the way we write is not equal to that of human speech. It has to be perfect. But the real question is …..

Is it?

I just read the first paragraph outed close to a nightmare of everything sizing up boom here we go round two here we go .

A City of the End

I know of a city. Formed off broke Ambition, The hope being that this grand plan of a municipality would rival that of the finest. Great ancient builders put a great deal of the gold snow into it. In this world, In the areas that had the highest potential to be fantastic. One of the gods came to cultivate it, grow the finest of trees. The finest greens. The far off opposing city of lost Silver was supposed to tremble in its. Wake. The land was gathered up. The God set to work for many years though eventually, he grew tired, and his project ended. The God left, and the inhabitants tried to make their own way, but they liked things being the way they were. Time passed, and the ideas of the future remained stagnant for much later time. Older wise men came there to live their days peacefully And passed in. Due time. That was was where the city got its name. The young sprouts that went from the land always tried to uproot themselves. Their little green legs popping up between the cracks the run to the beginning, away from the end.

Hit the montage

Oh boy! You’ve finally hit it big, you’re doing what you love and making money at it. Life couldn’t be better, it took you a few years but when Hollywood gets ahold that long time to make they happen will be set and passed in a minute of screen time so all we must do is do our thing. Create what we must to get to our happiness and watch all the years later when that work is glossed over in a minute.

Music, the tone of your mind

As you listen to a song watch how it follows your mood and becoming how you feel. As you try to find the song for your thoughts you realize music controls your mood in some ways happy songs get you happy sad ones make you sad and sometimes it works the opposite way. Songs keep The mind active in a way, keep the blood flowing and before you know it the music in your mind is narrating your own personal movie.

Silence Alone Quiet

I remember I was in my English class… The room was cold and stuffy-

Wait

(Ahem)

Once upon a time…. I was in my class cold and stuffy We were talking about silence when you don’t have music blaring or audio beating against your eardrums . That when I realized something we have our minds constantly bombarded by other thoughts or emotion which I believe actually makes writing something new much harder because music has a pre-existing emotions.

So I think an important thing to do is work in the quiet let your true self out and see what happens.

Bad advice you don’t need

Let’s say that you have someone that you like. That person talks to you all the time. And they smile at you and let’s say your mind is getting the vibes. You know those ones. The winky moment kind of saying hey maybe I like you. Well, perhaps you think I gotta tell everyone, well, see I think the better bet would be to act on your thoughts, you think they like you? So get to know them to discover if you enjoy them too! Then ask them out! Otherwise, you could accidentally get stuck with the insecurities of previous generations, so the most essential part is to do you and not let others instill fear.

S.T.A.Y. A fixation on the past

Interstellar is a weird experience. When I first saw it I was sad and also mad. I was sad mad. Smad. It at first came off to me as a confusing mess that you couldn’t rewatch with the ideas into the film later, like what was possible with Inception. You see you watch that film and knowing what you know about the future of the timeline you can go..Oh cool, that’s some foreshadowing for what is to come. In this film, it is straight forward there really isn’t a thing that makes you know more in a satisfying way. When you rewatch this film, there is a sort of thing that happens where you see what’s gonna happen you’ve seen it before, but you can look at the finer details and see the smaller things. You almost are the main character Cooper you know as much as he does, he’s not like Cobb from inception. This guy doesn’t have a mysteriously dark past that he is withholding from the audience, he is just as confused as you are whenever he enters the wormhole. He is learning with you.

Image result for space images free

Another important note is how the film has a theme of how time for us in our current state marches ever forward in a straight line that is the only way that we can comprehend it in our present state so in the instance when Cooper sees time as we may in the future. It creates his personal hell. He regrets leaving and now he is sitting there watching himself leave no matter how much he begs himself to stay. I feel like we as people would do exactly that if they were trapped in a box of our past mistakes, yes we would try our best to change it and scream and cry about. As much as I would love to say I wouldn’t, I probably would. You might as well admit you would too even if just for a minute. That scene goes on for a few minutes, Mathew Mcconaughey (yes I did have to look up how to spell his lat name ) is great you can seriously feel the emotional anguish that his character is going through. The lesson here is that he was only able to move forward when he found a way to use the past to help him grow as a person more accurately save humanity. So in continuation of yesterdays post look at the past but don’t get stuck in a box wanting to change it.

One view Yassss

Memes…

We’ve all seen them, I mean you are on the internet looking at this blog so chances are that you have seen a few be it a grumpy cat one or one of the countless and I do mean countless spongebob memes.

Well I saw a meme and maybe you have too, it’s one of this boy, who gets one subscriber and it happens to be his grandma.

Haha I know you probably laughed it is little silly but I was thinking about it. And that thinking lead into to the development of this post.

Celebrate any of those successes it. May not be overnight but each little moment towards that success that you want will build up to something great. Thank you so far this journey has been amazing and let us keep going!

Set the hope for new things.

I think a big thing that everyone worries about is wether or not what they are doing is right, it is a constant confusion. That has been me for a good amount of time now I look at my past and I think hey, maybe I could have done things better. I mean maybe that’s the curse of hindsight. Like, hey I could have done this better or this or that or whatever it is that you may be worried about. Because you now possess a god like view perhaps now knowing hoe others felt or what it is they knew in the time. I am not going to pretend that I am good at that, in fact my mind is prone to obsessively look at the past.

“No, I totally did this wrong, god I can feel it,” Those deep breaths of worry, even as I type this, my fingers reuse up as if they want to claw at the the past and do things right in my minds eye or something. But I guess the important thing is to constantly move forward. Keep moving forward as Disney famously coined. Deep breath -inhale- Okay we’re good I think -exhale-

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