I’m on this day. Moving through in complete control of myself. Every day can be the best even in losing track.
When you’re trying your hardest to remain awake when on bus and your eyes keep closing and then you are in the first layer of sleep. Your mind pulls to the weirdest parts, as the outside world still contributes to the craziness within, do you still sleep?
In a perfect world I wouldn’t be disabled. I wouldn’t be here on this dial a ride. Honestly I don’t even like admitting it, feeling oh so similar to an admission of weakness. I get on the bus, “how much is it?” I ask.
“Dollar seventy for regular and a dollar for disabled.” Simple really. So I go hey can get the disability count? And I’m asked do you have proof.. and I’m like… “well I clearly am, I can barely stand right now. “ Not proudly of course. But it’s a fact.
Do you have documented proof?
I kind of laugh, ”i mean not with you. I’m not faking I honestly hate this. I have a a card that says I am if you need it.
”Well you need the proper card, ours is blue.”
I swear the world is overtaken by vogons. A burning feeling I got while I struggled to get off.
It was something so short lasted. The word count that I had worked meticulously to accumulate, gone and halved. The evidence of the disappearance very minimal, this is it, time for the factory reset, a purge to get fresh. But in reality everything is fine.
Good bye, I say this after a couple of months, that’s just how things work isn’t it. We go in with a hope, only to come out some time later disappointed. That’s life, no one is perfect sadly. Here I sit. What brings you to my mind, to the place where I most commonly spill my guts… everything pours out and luckily I have a reader such as yourself to listen and ponder as everyone does. As we should.
So I’m sitting there, looking at these books wrapped in white. There are small words on the front. Hand crafted of course, these small imperfections that add to the beauty of the project. I looked at them, my mind racing with the possibility. That happens a lot, I love when my mind races. The feeling of possibility is absolutely beautiful. It was a gamble sure. Money to be placed on something And you don’t know what, but with some amount of trust I went through and bought a book taking a serious chance and having the scared part of my brain say “no put it back! You could hate it! But also I could love it so I stopped worrying (I mean I tried to I just tuned it out!) then I went ahead read the white paper one last time and tore it open! Taking a leap and hoping with excitement.
Oh boy! You’ve finally hit it big, you’re doing what you love and making money at it. Life couldn’t be better, it took you a few years but when Hollywood gets ahold that long time to make they happen will be set and passed in a minute of screen time so all we must do is do our thing. Create what we must to get to our happiness and watch all the years later when that work is glossed over in a minute.
Well another day passes, I’ve made some progress I’d like to say well I have, I mean in technicality. We write and we write listening to those around us who don’t believe in the medium so we keep going despite that it its hard on some of the days where you wonder if it’s what you are supposed to do. Of course you know it’s what you gotta do but there is that feeling. That maybe they are right well you gotta do your own thing thats it just do it.
Interstellar is a weird experience. When I first saw it I was sad and also mad. I was sad mad. Smad. It at first came off to me as a confusing mess that you couldn’t rewatch with the ideas into the film later, like what was possible with Inception. You see you watch that film and knowing what you know about the future of the timeline you can go..Oh cool, that’s some foreshadowing for what is to come. In this film, it is straight forward there really isn’t a thing that makes you know more in a satisfying way. When you rewatch this film, there is a sort of thing that happens where you see what’s gonna happen you’ve seen it before, but you can look at the finer details and see the smaller things. You almost are the main character Cooper you know as much as he does, he’s not like Cobb from inception. This guy doesn’t have a mysteriously dark past that he is withholding from the audience, he is just as confused as you are whenever he enters the wormhole. He is learning with you.
Another important note is how the film has a theme of how time for us in our current state marches ever forward in a straight line that is the only way that we can comprehend it in our present state so in the instance when Cooper sees time as we may in the future. It creates his personal hell. He regrets leaving and now he is sitting there watching himself leave no matter how much he begs himself to stay. I feel like we as people would do exactly that if they were trapped in a box of our past mistakes, yes we would try our best to change it and scream and cry about. As much as I would love to say I wouldn’t, I probably would. You might as well admit you would too even if just for a minute. That scene goes on for a few minutes, Mathew Mcconaughey (yes I did have to look up how to spell his lat name ) is great you can seriously feel the emotional anguish that his character is going through. The lesson here is that he was only able to move forward when he found a way to use the past to help him grow as a person more accurately save humanity. So in continuation of yesterdays post look at the past but don’t get stuck in a box wanting to change it.